Making Feelings Visible

Before vacation I got a note in our classroom bothering box. It simply said There is girl drama. I took a deep breath because navigating the world of problem solving for young female students can be tricky. Over the course of the next few days I received emails from students about their feelings of what has been going on to them in our classroom. Students self-advocating and communicating to the teacher via classroom email was something I never got to do as a young girl. I wish I had that option. I am sure many of us do.

I respectfully asked the students involved to spend vacation week enjoying time with family and friends and to shut out the negativity until we got back to school. I reiterated that sharing thoughts online should be considered strongly before hitting the send button. Once you hit send there is no turning back. The girls promised me they would heed my suggestions.

I spent some time trying to decide the best course of action. I thought heavily on what the actual problem was and how best to address it. My solution was to make their thinking visible. We have been discovering the beauty of sketchnoting this year as a form of communication, and I wondered if this technique could apply to social emotional learning. Reflecting on today I am proud to say I have some students who saw conflict resolution, compassion, and empathy through images and words.  I also have students who are laughing and feeling the power of positivity versus the negativity they left school break feeling.

What I did today was unlike anything I have ever done before with students. I explained to the students that we were not there for them to tell me what the other did and then either deny or accept that claim. This would get us nowhere. Rather we were here to discuss our feelings. I had each girl draw on our board how the other person made her feel. Then they had to switch places and write why she thought her peer drew what she drew. We ended up with a lot of hurt feelings on both sides, which was not surprising. We discussed where some of these feelings stemmed from, and it had to do with words being shared, perception, and assumptions and their reactions from that. I then sketched my thinking about what happened around the girls’ work. This showed a clearer process for us all to discuss.

The image below is a recreation I designed of what happened today, color coded to represent the different people participating in this exercise similar to what happened on our classroom whiteboard. The images on the board helped shaped the conversation, listening, and responding that occurred during our talk. 

We shared how these words, assumptions, and perceptions led to hurt, anger, frustration, etc. This became a catalyst for negative talk whether face to face, online, or with peers. We talked about how good friends do not make each other feel this way. I then had them write about how they each made each other feel prior to this incident, and they shared some candid things that involved laughter, sharing, and being helpful. They offered to read these statements to each other and we discussed our hopes moving forward. 

I shared that I hope they can come to an agreement on how to move forward whether it was that the negative feelings outweigh the positive or vice versa. They agreed they missed each other. and suggested working on improving their relationship. This led to a brief conversation about how both of them is wise beyond her years but is only 10 or 11. Friendships are tricky to navigate especially with the variety of ways people communicate in today’s world. Regardless, with some dry erase markers, we can make feelings visible, and we all deserve that.